‘It’s Wrong. But It’s Right’: The Phenomenon of Agapic Breakups

Abstract

Previous theories of relationship breakdown have emphasized dissatisfaction and onset of relational problems, overlooking altruistic motivations for breakups. This study delves into the phenomenon of agapic breakups, where the breaking up of the relationship is a seemingly altruistic act motivated by the intention of protecting one’s partner from some anticipated future harm. Through qualitative analysis of textual narratives from novels, the study unravels key themes and codes intrinsic to agapic breakups. Findings reveal that in agapic breakups, individuals tend to prioritize their partner’s future happiness over their own desires, often sacrificing the relationship itself for the well-being of their partner. This altruistic decision to terminate the relationship is so complex that it blurs the boundaries between right and wrong where use of manipulative strategies to deny the partners their choice to stay or leave, is deemed appropriate if it serves the purpose of protecting them from future harm. The study prompts inquiries regarding fairness, consent, and respect for the partner’s agency in interpersonal relationships, contributes to a deeper understanding of the complexities of interpersonal relationships and highlights the profound selflessness and commitment inherent in agapic breakups.